


all is fair in love and war

by humanveil



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Taken Seriously, Humor, Implied Draco Malfoy/Severus Snape, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 17:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4969351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanveil/pseuds/humanveil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Draco,” Lucius said, rolling his eyes at his son. “My libido is far too high to stop having sex because some idiot decided to start a war.”</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	all is fair in love and war

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why, but I've always imagined Lucius and Narcissa being really open about their sex life and bringing it up in normal conversations while Draco is in the background like "oh my god, what is  _wrong with you?_ no one needs to know that _, **especially** not me!" a_ nd Narcissa would just be like "oh, hush, sweetheart, it's only natural." while Lucius laughs. 
> 
> There's a little snaco in there, because I can't help myself, but anyway. I hope you like it!

Draco sat stiffly, back perfectly straight against the couch he was sitting on, as he stared at his parents. His mouth was slightly agape as he replayed what his mother had just told him, the unusual feeling of shock running through his body.

Surely he had misheard.

_Surely._

“You—what, no,” he stuttered, eyes flicking back and forth between the two figures perched elegantly across from him. “You _can’t_ be.”

His mother smiled, the same soft smile he’d only ever seen her use towards him, and said, “I am, darling.”

_“How?”_

Lucius raised one perfectly groomed eyebrow, hand reaching up to push his long, white blond hair behind his shoulder. “Don’t be daft, Draco,” he proclaimed. “Surely you remember _that_ particular discussion we had when you were younger.”

“That’s not what I—“

“Although,” his father interrupted, smirking. “Perhaps you have forgotten. I do suppose a heterosexual sex talk is of little use to you, considering your preferences lay in a snarky, _male_ potions master.”

“Severus and I aren’t—“

“Oh, please, darling,” his mother chimed in, eyes sparkling with amusement. “Don’t bother denying it. The two of you are not as discreet as you seem to think you are.”

Lucius nodded, leaning back in his chair, “Do remember to use a silencing charm, the next time he stays here, Draco. There are things we need not know.”

“Oh, for fuck—“ he muttered, cutting himself off. “Hypocrite.” His father’s laugh drowned out Narcissa’s firm “ _language, Draco,”_ and he sighed, left hand rubbing at his face as he tried to make sense of it all. “I know _how,_ I just—“

“You what?”

Draco glared at Lucius, refraining from making a smart comment about what happened when _he_ interrupted _them_. “What I meant to ask,” he murmured, “is _why_ you decided to get _pregnant_ when _we’re_ _in the middle of a bloody war._ ”

“Oh, _for Merlin’s sake, Draco_ ,” Lucius said, rolling his eyes at his son. “My libido is far too high to stop having sex because some _idiot_ decided to start a war.”

Narcissa made an amused sound, trying to suppress the grin taking over her face. She moved one perfectly manicured hand so it was intertwined with her husband’s and looked towards her son. “These things happen,” her voice had a soothing quality to it, and Draco was reminded of being comforted as a young child. “We got caught up in the moment and forgot to take the potion.”

“Yes, but—“

“Look at it this way,” Lucius interrupted again, placing a soft kiss against his wife’s forehead. “If we have another son, there won’t be need for you to do the ‘repulsive’ act of producing an heir.”

Draco stared, dumbfounded that his parents could be so calm about the whole situation. “I,” he paused, shaking his head. “You two are—I’m going to, just,” he stood to leave, almost laughing at the absurdity of his parent’s relationship.

Because, _seriously,_ they were in the _middle of a war._


End file.
